Wednesday, 15 July 2015

Confidence


Someone told me yesterday that they had never seen me so confident, and I couldn't help but smile at the comment. I also did something that I never ever do, and that was to make a phone call, Without thinking, I picked up the phone. It wasn't until afterwards that I realised what I had done. I no longer felt my pulse increase and my face flush red as I dialled the number. What was happening?

Whilst shopping a few weeks ago, I saw someone who I used to work with. I didn't especially got on with them very well, but instead of pretending that I hadn't seen her, I walked straight over and said hi. It was a very brief and somewhat awkward encounter, but I wanted to show her how much I had changed in the past few years. I walked away feeling pretty happy with myself.

Looking back at even a few years ago at my 17 year old self, I can't believe how different I am. I would feel uncomfortable talking to people or doing anything by myself in fear that people were making fun of me. Yes, I still feel uncomfortable meeting new people and socialising in large groups with people who I don't know very well, but things have changed, definitely for the better.

It definitely didn't happen overnight. I used to wish that I would. I thought going to university would make me into this super confident person, who would talk to anyone and everyone and suddenly love socialising and clubbing. This pressure on myself for living up to the expectation that I had crafted hindered me, and made me feel like I was a failure, adding to my anxiety and made me feel defeated. But, you don't realise how far you have come until someone else realises. It was my mum who first told me after my first year of uni that I now stood taller, spoke with more confidence and looked a lot happier. Then I started to believe it.

 Recognising your flaws and accepting them was definitely my first step towards confidence. I started to realise that I didn't love clubbing, and that I preferred being in my own company and that this wasn't weird. Once I wasn't living the lie and accepted that the life that I wanted wasn't achievable, I felt more assured and happier with the person who I have become. Talking to people also really helped. For example, talking to shop assistants or bar staff instead of ignoring their questions or giving one word answers is so helpful. I would have a problem talking to strangers or looking people in the eye, but now, I make the effort to ask people about their day and to smile to people on the street. It's the little things that help.

I constructed this idea of the life that I wanted when I started university, now two years in, I'm so glad that didn't happen. Who knows what my life would be like. But for now, I'm just happy. I think I have finally become the person that I want to be. We get so caught up abut changing ourselves and trying to be like other people. But just be yourself, and your confidence will shine through.

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5 comments

  1. Really nice post! I've been working on socializing more, and I started to just smile at people, like to strangers who just walk by, and it's amazing to also receive a smile!

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    Replies
    1. Ah thank you! It really helped me just making conversations with people or just smiling, I like to think that I have made someone's day! xx

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  2. I know exactly how you feel. I used to be annoyed and kinda ashamed that I wasn't an outgoing, social partygirl like the rest of my friends, but the past years I've realized that it's okay, and there isn't anything wrong with me. That's just not me :)

    I'm so happy for you x

    Tess
    www.simplytessx.com

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  3. What a wonderful post. How lovely of someone to say that! I have full blown 10 minute conversations with shop assistants (but I am one - so maybe that helps?) Something as small as smiling at a stranger can really change your mood - and someone elses!

    Rachael at broomfie.blogspot.com

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  4. I can't explain how happy this post made me feel (without sounding weird). I have been that person who couldn't even speak a sentence properly whenever I attempted to socialise and always chose my own company because it meant I wouldn't embarrass myself infront of others (I could go on). But now that I've completed my first year of uni, I've found this confidence and I've done things I never would've before.
    Safe to say this post put a smile on my face, so glad uni has been a positive experience for us both! Xx

    www.awalkbesideme.com

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